batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
