how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
