If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
