Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
