It's like God shit irony all over that family
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
