Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
