Cold hands, warm shart.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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