I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
