you traded sex for a burrito?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I wish there were birth control emojis
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
