I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
