At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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