I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
