I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
