I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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