I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
