I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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