the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
