She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
