I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
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