It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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