Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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