So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
