The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
