I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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