OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
