Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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