Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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