What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
