My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
