I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
