just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
