first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You may now shotgun with the bride
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
