So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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