come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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