Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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