So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
