I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
