ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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