Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
