Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
