no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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