I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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