What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
