I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
