i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
where are you?
Hypothermia
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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