I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
