i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
