No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
