Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
