I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
