Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we made out on top of his cat.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
