she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
