i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
