She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
