The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
